put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
