I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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