Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fuck appropriateness.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
