Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
meet me or not, i'm out of control
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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