Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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