Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he thought i was a dude.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
