I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
