I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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