You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize