I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
