We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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