They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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