I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
