I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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