i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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