Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i think i have herpe
just one?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
