I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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