Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
