One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
