I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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