Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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