he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
