sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
