i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
