I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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