I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it penis luge time yet?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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