Can i not drive my cunt home
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
