the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Houston, we have a squirter
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
