Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
