i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
