a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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