is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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