yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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