i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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