dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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