dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
tell me about the eggs
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
