someone get that fucking seahorse.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
