there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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