Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
