You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
