so that wasnt chicken after all
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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