She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize