just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
