Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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