i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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