I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Say something about gay babies.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
