I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
