Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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