OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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