How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All I want is dick and wine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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