hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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