Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
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he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
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Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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