I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i dont even know how to be here
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
