I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
