I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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