I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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