Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
