i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
