I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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