i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dear god my vagina.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
