Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
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Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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