I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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