my vag is so smooth its legendary
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
