The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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