Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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